The Hard Stuff

To begin, this was originally a Facebook post. True story. So if you're here cause I added you to the Facebook post, never fear. You are in the right place. I'm grateful for you and this last week you've really had an impact on me in a beneficial way. For that I thank you. If you get bored, you, in no way, are obligated to read this entire thing. Just know I really appreciate all that you've done for me...whether you're in Utah with me now or back home in Washington!


Anyways, here I go.


Today I realized something absolutely amazing. I was going through a rough patch like....well....like all of us do. Life was hard....life actually really sucked, or at least I thought it did. That's all I could think about. How THIS was hard. How THAT was hard. I just kept thinking about how everyone had it so great and my life was so hard and stressful ... then I realized how lame I was was being about the situation. How lame? As lame as a purple cow vacuuming the room of the man who voices the genie in Aladdin...which is actually not as lame as I was trying to make it (cause a purple cow is NOT lame by any means)....but that's besides the point. The point is that I was being dumb about the situation. Coming to this realization I decided to look at things in a new light. Instead of being pessimistic, or optimistic for that matter, I decided to face reality. I further opened myself up to the situation...the real one. I let my eyes see. I let my ears hear. I let my mind think. I listened to what was going on around me. Yes. Frankly, there IS a lot going on in my life right now that has been really difficult. Life kinda sucks...but that is just how it works, and I'm gonna have to get over it eventually. After realizing this, I AGAIN thought about all that I have to be grateful for. That no matter how hard life is right now, I am truly blessed with a supportive family, loving friends, a great school...blah blah blah. Not that you guys are "blah," it's just that I became grateful for something that I never thought I'd be grateful for today...


Trials. Yep. That's right. Today I became grateful for all the difficult stuff that's going on in my life right now.


Crazy I know, but it was quite an epiphany! I became glad about something I'd only ever complained about. This one SINGLE trial had been all I was focused on. One SIMPLE thing that has been driving me up the wall for the last two months! And then BAM. I realized the worth of this particular trial and then BOOM I immediately felt relived. Woah right? Basically, even though it's hard, I know that overall, it's all for the better. By looking at the situation realistically I saw how I'm benefiting. Yea. It hurts. Heck...it hurts really bad and some nights are just killer. But I really do know that it's for the best.


One thing I had to realize is that sometimes you have to let people go. I don't really give up on anything, and I don't think I'm giving up now. (thanks to the kind yet convincing words of some really great friends) But no matter how hard it is, sometimes the best thing you can do is let someone go. Not just for you, but for them too. There comes a time where, no mater how much you care for someone, and no matter how much you want the best for them, they don't want the best for you. The truth of the matter is that the only person you are in control of is yourself. Sometimes that's all you can do...because everyone else, and most likely the situation at the time, is not something you can control. And you know what else? After you really have done everything that you can do, our beloved and omnipotent Heavenly Father will help us out. He ALWAYS does. He knows what we're going through and how bad you may be hurting or how much you may be struggling. Yet, keep in mind...the act of letting someone go shouldn't include hate. I hate hate....well that's dumb. Word choice Alex, world choice. Okay, with a fiery passion rising from the abyss of the deepest depths of...a bad place, I adamantly and strongly dislike "hate." That covers it decently I think. But in all seriousness, I think letting someone go should include a release of all negative feelings. I also don't think you should try to forget someone. Although you may have bad memories, you have good memories. At least some. Or you can at least think somewhat positively about the situation, while still identifying how difficult it was. Anyways. Letting people go. Moving on. The hard stuff....well it's hard. Whether the glass is half way full or half way empty, it's still halfway filled with somethin.


I really miss my friends from home. My gal friends specifically, cause I'll be writing about the guy ones in a sec...but there was always that bond. An instantaneous and mutual understanding of sorts. I can't really explain it. I'm be home in just three days and it's just super duper crazy. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my besties. My boos! This week, even though we're what seems like a freaking bajillion miles apart, they've been their for me. They've talked to me and gave me the advice I desperately needed. To the girl friends that are here with me now and have provided wise words and comforting eyes, I really appreciate it too. I consider you my besties for sure and...garsh I just love ya! Then there are my college girl friends that are away from me now but will be here in the fall...I can't wait! We're gonna have a blast when you get back....I decided. But really. You ALL are so amazing and I don't know how I'd get through life without you!


Also. Here's the reason I sent a lot of you boys over here from Facebook...I really have come to further appreciate respectful men. Guys that don't manipulate or play games. Guys that are honest but not pushy. Guys that open your door and spend time with you, expecting nothing other then ...well...TIME. Guys that are willing to have fun and joke, but are also willing to ask what's wrong because these are the guys that also notice when you are down. These are the guys that encourage you to speak your mind. Encourage you to be yourself. Encourage you to be better. I was always the girl with a lot of guy friends just cause I always do guy stuff apparently...I don't even know how to explain it. But I really do get along with guys. ....and I've made a lot. You guys are all awesome. Whether you're the guy that I ask advice to, or the one I want to hang out with, or both...I don't know but you're amazing. I miss my boys from home and I'm so grateful for the guy friends I've made here (you know who you are). Don't get me wrong....The gal friends I've made are some of the best friends I'll ever have, and I miss my besties from home to DEATH....but there's just something about having your guy friends to talk to especially if you're like me....but don't ask me what that is 'cause I don't have an answer for you. Anyways...Thank you. You mean the world to me.


And mother...I can't even express to you how much you mean to me. You've been such a comfort to me this past week, and I wasn't even home. This is why you're the greatest. I love you! 


Well. That's all for now folks. Sorry it was so agonizingly long. If you have complaints, or you just want to be like..."yo Alex, I actually made it through that whole post!" feel free to comment on the bottom. Always know you are loved and remember...that glass has something in it. Basically you're great and don't ever forget it! 

Realization: Becoming Alex

Sometimes you just have to realize reality. Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that it's not in your hands anymore; that you've done all you can do and it's time to leave the rest open for interpretation. It's time to stop making plans for every minute of my day and love the life I'm living.

I live in a place of beauty and I have friends around me who love me. I go to an amazing university with incredible people who do astounding things everyday. All too often I pass up the beauty of this and all too often I forget to be grateful for everything I have....which in all reality, is so very much. I've had the best time this last semester and I plan to make this summer one to remember. I miss home and my good friends from Anacortes, but I have things to do here, even if I don't know exactly what they are. There's so much wonder in it all.

Today I realized that not everything has to be planned out to a dot. That there's so much joy in going through life with a unknowing adventure in front of you. I know that everyone says "live life to the fullest"...but maybe there's a reason for the constant use of the phrase? Today I realized there's a lot of value, a lot more then I ever expected.

I believe I am on this earth to learn, grow, and help others. Recently I feel as if I'm always worried about myself or always complaining about life and the trials I'm going through, and in doing so I neglect to realize just how good I have it. If I don't come to understand and appreciate just how blessed I am, I'll never be able to learn from my mistakes. I'll never grow to be the person I am meant to be. But most importantly I wont be able to help others and that's something I always want to be able to do.

I love life...slightly cliché but I do. There is so much out there for me. I haven't traveled the world. I haven't saved the world (yet)...HECK I haven't even graduated from college! There is so much waiting for me in life and it's hard to realize that but there really is. I have a lot to do... I'm a nineteen year old in college and today I realized that's all I have to be. I can just be Alex Johnson. The girl who loves Cars, music, the outdoors. Loves to read, paint, and play basketball. Loves being held and dancing as if no one's watching. The girl who misses her island and her family.The girl who wants more then anything to feel like she's had an impact on the world in some small way, even if it's just through one person. Who wants to be remembered for always staying true to who she was.  The girl who is ready to live life and let the world throw whatever at her. I, Alex Johnson, am ready to be me and never turn back.

Epitome of My Life

This song is literally the epitome of my life right now. I've come to realize how fast things can go but how wonderful the little moments of life really are. How valuable and meaningful these moments are. Recently there have been a lot of moments in my life that I just never want to let go. I want to hold them close and hope they never end. But time continues. And I hope and pray that as time continues, moments like I've been having these last couple of days, never cease to exist. That the people that have made these last couple of days amazing and meaningful, never forget what they've done for me. I just hope that I'll get more in the future.

Here is this wonderful song by Daniel Lee Kendall: LOST IN THE MOMENT

Epitome of Family

First things first: I'm sorry I haven't posted in basically forever. Life caught up with me for a bit. But no worries. I have not forgotten.

Now that I have gotten my apology out of the way, it's time I tell you a little more about me....actually about my family...but basically me. ANYWAYS I am the oldest of four girls. No boys. Girls. Some might think, "oh how charming! No rough play! Always clean rooms! No fighting! Clothe sharing!" WRONG. OOOOHHH so very wrong. It's like having a bunch of boys but not. With all girls their is no favoritism based upon the premise of gender. Good? NO. Don't get me wrong...I really hate playing basketball when they change the rule so that if a girl makes the shot it's worth two points instead of one. Or when they give the girls a head start...I don't know. I really think that if a girl is gonna tough it out then they should tough it all out. I understand that it's an equalizer, but why?? I'm a girl. I'm different. And I'm totally okay with that. But occasionally it sure would have been nice to be at home and not have to mow the lawn, use the shop vac to do random stuff, organize the garage, manage the sprinklers...because Dad was like...."nah, you're a girl" or "I'll just have your brother do it." Maybe I'm just being a bit of a complainer, but I always wished for a little bit of that.

Besides being a girl of many girls, I'm the oldest. And we all know about the oldest. The oldest gets the most responsibilities. The more difficult jobs. They're expected to do more and maintain an exemplary example for their smaller siblings. They are generally hardworking and ambitious, but also enjoy having power. It's their responsibility to care for their younger siblings in a lot of different ways, but it's also their responsibility to embarrass them and harass them when necessary. Parent's give the child attention, but tend not to spoil them. (that privilege goes to the youngest, although they would never admit it.) When punishment is needed punishment is seriously considered and strictly enforced. Yep. This seriously defines me. Don't get me wrong. I love my siblings and my parents so much. Like. I would do ANYTHING for them. But, as we all know, they CAN get on our nerves.

So my  family. To begin, my parents.

Well I'm having a hard time figuring out how to lay these pictures out but that's them. Mom and Dad. My loving parents (and yes...she is my mother NOT my sister) Oh! But would you like to know their names? Or shall we just refer to them as "the parents?" Okay. My moms name is Lisa and my dads name is Chris. They were married at 23 and have been married for almost 20 years now. They're such an inspiration to me....it's intimidating to think about the bar they've set. It's a high standard to live up to and I haven't really lived up to it yet, but I'm trying. 

A fill in on their lives: 

My mother joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints at the age of 18. She had a difficult early life and hard family situations (but this is not my story to tell) and made this life changing decision on her own. My mother won Miss Denali, but dropped out of the Miss America competition to go on a mission for our church to New York. She met my dad a while after she returned and was engaged shortly after. (their story is a miraculous one, but not one to be told today). I love hearing about my mothers life when she was in high school and college. She has so many amazing stories and experiences.One thing I've noticed most is that my mother strives to help me achieve excellence, and is extremely supportive of me. Not only that, but never does she waver from her morals or ethics. My mother is creative and works at home as a mother and a designer and concept artist. She's an amazing woman that I really love and respect. 

My father grew up a member of the LDS church. He was the oldest of seven when he went on his mission to Germany. My dad was in Germany when the wall came down (in fact we have pieces of the wall throughout my house) and he has taught me to love the European (especially German) culture and language. While on his mission my grandmother had another son who has down-syndrome and autism. His mother died of lung cancer, but originated as skin cancer, which runs in my family. My grandpa remarried a wonderful woman and now my dad is living the epitome of yours, mine, and ours. He is the oldest of 18 kids now...by marriage, but still. My dad loves the outdoors (so does my mom), is extremely organized, and is dedicated to any task he decides to take on. Something I really love about my dad is his ambition and hard work ethic. He's not easily discouraged and continues at a task until it's accomplished correctly. 

That's the BRIEF report on my parents, but there you have it. 

NOW....dum Dun DUM! My sisters!!! 

From left to right: Pepper, Ella, and Hannah. They are freaking adorable...I know. But....this picture doesn't do any of them justice. (ALSO...I basically just picked this picture cause Pepper is smiling. She is actually smiling. She never smiles, if you didn't catch that.) It's also hilarious that we all look so different, but if you look at our parents, we look like them! But he're the three of them. Now I'll fill you in a bit.

This is Hannah. 

She is now 17 years old...and it's REALLY weird to say that. Just so you know. She's a very down to earth person. Hannah really loves to read....I guess we all do. She is extremely intelligent, and it comes so easy to her. That was always something I was jealous of, not gonna lie. Hannah could always do well in school without having to put too much effort into it. She's pretty short...like 3 feet. Okay not REALLY but she's barely at 5 feet I'm pretty sure (you know I love you Hannah!) She's pretty artistic, and especially good with fluidity of motion. We don't get along all the time, but when we do there is nothing that can separate us. Hannah loves to have fun and loves to shop..with me. Of COURSE. Now for the next little sister..

This is Pepper.

Okay...It really is Pepper. Her real name is Sydney Elizabeth Johnson, but ever since day one she's been Pepper. We're actually trying to change her name so she'll have two middle names, and one will be Peppe!!! ANYWAYS, Pepper is now 13 years old and also naturally intelligent, but not as hardworking. Like me and my dad, she's extremely stubborn when she wants to be. Pepper is pretty clever too. She loves the water, and is a pretty good swimmer. She's probably the best reader in the family which is definitely saying something. She loves to draw and create something new from the old. She's really such a fun girl. I always loved playing games with her cause she has such a unique sense of humor. Now for the last, but not least...

This is Ella. 

Yep. My 10 year old little sister. Ella has been doing ballet for several years now, and is so naturally gifted it's shocking. She's already in an higher level class then where she should be, based on her age, but she moves so well. She's a lot like my mom in that way. My mom was a dancer, but because of a neck injury she can't do much in that way anymore. Ella has a hard time with reading and school. In that way she is completely opposite. She is pretty athletic, when she wants to be, but probably one of the most energetic little girls I've met. She loves having fun and being social. That's probably the epitome of Ella. She's pretty funny...but don't tell her I said that cause she'll just get a bigger head. When my mom was pregnant with her, I hoped and prayed it was a boy because I needed a brother. I just needed one. When I found out my mom was having a girl, I was pretty upset, not gonna lie. But I'm so very grateful we have Ella in the family. 

I'm so very grateful for ALL my sisters. I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. They are all so different and unique. They all are fun and loving, but in their own way. They're my sisters...and although we argue...all. the. time....I wouldn't give them up for anything in the world. 

Now...the last members of my family. Oh? You thought I was done?? BLAM! Nope! Meet Mozart and Hayden. 

Seriously. This is from a while back, but how adorable right?? 

One more just for good measure: 

AHHHHH they're so adorable! QUICK fill-in: We got Mozart while we still had Rufus. We got Mozart at a shelter. We originally were wanting to adopt this orange kitty, like Rufus, but something about Mozart just shone. He was fun but gentle. Serene, yet energetic. He was perfect.Mozart and Rufus grew to be the best of friends, and it was really hard on Mozart when Rufus passed away. Later I promise to talk about Rufus and show you how adorable and fat he was! But a while later, we actually adopted a cat named Brahm. Unfortunately, we discovered that the entire litter had a disease and was put down before Brahm could even be brought home. Lucky for us, a little cat originally named Tucker was up for adoption. He was being fostered and we are so lucky to have him now. We renamed him Hayden and it's been so great to have him. He's petite but fat: a hilarious combination. It took a while, but Mozart warmed up to Hayden and his intriguing personality of confusing proportions. These two little dears are definitely considered family to me. Sometimes they know I'm upset when no one else does. Sometimes they snuggle me when I feel alone...they're amazing and although I miss Rufus still, I'm so blessed to have Mozart and Hayden!

And lastly, a new addition to my college life. Meet Zuko: 

He's a cute little fishy! I've never had a fish so I'm pretty excited. For FHE yesterday we went to buy 40 goldfish to race. While we were there I bought this adorable little man. His name was originally going to be Shark Bait, but he's a little to feisty for that. He's a beautiful red with touches of blue. He has a little bit of damage on one of his fins. If any of you have seen Avatar, you know where Zuko comes from. In Avatar, Zuko is a firebender with a scar. He has a feisty personality...and a personality that matches that of Zuko my fish to the dot. See how this fish came to be named Zuko?? Basically, he's adorable. A bunch of boys tried to put the little fish we raced in the bowl....but I'm pretty sure Zuko tried to eat them so I took them out. The fish I raced, Mouse, was released into the wild. Sad....but I'm pretty sure they're all going to die anyways. 

ON A HAPPY NOTE...I've just introduced you to my family. My family. Oh how I love and miss them dearly. So! Here we are: 

and yes....I'm pretty sure that this is the best one of us all together.....oh glory. It's so hard to get us all to be normal. 

Not Expecting Except ..Sometimes

Well this WAS going to be a word of the day, but it ended up turning into a post cause I had so many thoughts on it. Amazing how one word can do that: have SUCH a strong effect. What's funny is that, by switching this to a post I'm doing exactly what I'm talking about. What are the CHANCES! (you'll understand how funny this is by the end of this post)

Anyways, the word I got today was...Minimalist. My initial thoughts of the word are probably different then how many might think of it, but rather than thinking of all the definitions of this word, I want to focus on my own initial thoughts that come to mind when I read or hear this particular word.

First off I immediately think of John Cage, a minimalist composer. Cage is perhaps best known for his 1952 composition, or masterpiece, 4'33. This piece is preformed in the deliberate absence of sound. Literally. I'm not joking. The musicians that preform this piece sit on stage hold there instruments and look at the blank score. After a certain amount of time, they all turn the page to reveal another blank score. Genius. I'm sorry...but it really is. Now if anyone plays 4'33 they have to credit Cage. You can't just not play because he actually "wrote" the music. 

Cage was extremely well known for his radical innovations of music, manifest by this piece. But he really was a minimalist. Cage believed that you didn't need much to channel in the effects of music. Something that I now connect with the word minimalist, besides Cage, is the idea of chance. Cage really believed in chance music. The point of many of his compositions were that they would never be preformed the same. That every time someone played it, it would change according to chance. He would've loved watching someone stand up and randomly start singing during the middle of one of his pieces. 

Chance. Okay...so far I'm lovin this. The less we have or do, the more we try to be a "minimalist" the more we leave up to chance. Cool right?? But really. It's so true. 

I'm a really organized person, but not so much that if one thing goes off from the original plan I have a conniption or anything. Yet, as Cage did, if you leave almost all to chance...leave everything unorganized you'll have no consistency. You'll move with whatever the universe decides to throw at you. The trick is finding a balance, a equilibrium where you have parts of your life under control. Planned and organized to the dot, but you have other parts of your life that are open to interpretation. Unexplored waters, untouched by such planning. Then when something in life waivers just slightly, it's okay. You know everything will work out because it's just chance right? 

I'm really excited for this concept. I've never really thought about the idea of minimalism and chance as such....actually I never have thought much about them, or what they really mean at all. But what a great thought. Finding a balance of organization and acceptance of life as it takes you places you never thought you'd go. Find your balance and accept it. Cherish the times that go according to plan along with the times times that take a turn of events. Love it all, live it all, and enjoy it all to the dot. dot. . . .. . ... .

Appreciating Beauty

Earth is such a beautiful place. Like HOLY FREAKING CRAP.

Okay...so here's the story. Yesterday I watched the movie Earth. Not planet Earth, which is brilliantly stunning your eyes might fall out, but Earth. What an amazing experience. Yea, yea...it's just a movie I know. But for someone that takes adventures and travels throughout the world only through books, it was amazing to see the world for what it was. It's raw beauty. Untouched by metal machines and incompetent industries. After watching this video last night, I couldn't get images of small ducklings bravely leaping from the tallest branch of a tree, or sharks mercilessly engulfing the body of a seal, out of my mind. This world, this wonderful world called earth, is truly as such: wonderful. It's a brilliant and undeniably an amazing place to be! As I pondered the beauty of the earth, I began to recollect the many times I neglected what it is and how truly blessed I am.  

Fact: I'm from Anacortes, Washington...which is an island. Let me show you: 

 and this one:

The bike rides through Washington Park...

or the Tullip Festival in Mt. Vernon..

Look at the beauty that resides on just one, seriously small, island. It amazes me.

Fact 2: Although I am from Anacortes, right now I live in Provo Utah.
I love Anacortes and the beauty that it brings into the world. Yet, I've come to love and accept the beauty of Utah. It's so very different from the lush green brush and the fluid beauty of the ocean, but I love it nonetheless. I'll show you where I live now I guess:

Such beauty. For me, Utah's beauty was really hard to accept at first. I was so used to an island of greens and water that when I came to Utah it was very hard for me to accept extreme weather, both hot and cold, and the rocks of dry dust and dirt. Yet, when I lived on Anacortes, all I ever wanted to do was leave. I told myself that there was nothing to see and do. Now I miss it dearly. The seemingly flawless place of Anacortes is constantly on my mind, calling me I swear. I miss it's beauty and regret the time I lived there and neglected everything I have. As soon as I realized this, I took another look at the beauty that is Utah. The tips of the snowy mountains against the solid blue sky of clear summer day, or the jagged edges of the red rocks surrounding my home...The beauty is stunning. And after neglecting to understand just how beautiful Anacortes was when I lived there, I refuse to neglect the beauty of Provo.

I encourage whomever takes the time to read my thoughts, to take time and appreciate where you live and how beautiful it is. It may not be an island, or a city in the middle of mountains, but every place has it's own beauty and that is what is so great about Earth.

Let Us Begin

Well. Here I am. I've never done this before, but I'm pretty positive that this is the part where I give you the obligatory self introduction that is, in my opinion, completely superfluous. Some might say it is still necessary, but I think that it would be a much more riveting experience to introduce myself gradually. It would be a scavenger hunt of sorts. An ADVENTURE.

Yet, you must know something of who I am. Without basic knowledge, what is there to bait you into my bewitching web of words? Nonetheless, without providing much detail, I wish to share but a general idea of who I am. I'm a person of passion. Of learning. A person of energy and enjoyment. I hope, more than most anything, that when I die I will be remembered for the good things that I have done in the world. For the impact that I at least tried to make. I hope to be an example to those people who are lost, and I hope to always know who I am and who I stand for. Although I struggle with being confident in myself sometimes, I understand that I have talents that others don't and I understand that I am a unique individual loved by someone out in this vast and extremely daunting world. In essence, I am me. Despite arguments regarding the redundancy of this statement, I don't know how better to describe myself. You will come to learn in time exactly who I am and what I stand for, but as for now this is the best description of, well...me. So let us begin. Let me tell you who I am. Let me show you what I do. What I love. What I believe in. Let us become friends through the wonderful portal of logophilia.

Now, without further ado, I present to you...
the ADVENTURES OF ALEX THE GREAT